The fox is here!

OK. So I started the Marketing Assistant job yesterday. It was a complete disaster. I felt so confused from 9am till 5.30 pm. I feel like they misled me about the role. When I got there I discovered it was all about pricing, data analysis and confirming the correct prices.

I really hate working with numbers. My background is Graphic Design so in general I have found that creatives and maths DO NOT mix. Like oil and water. I never really met an arty person who enjoyed working with numbers.

By the end of the day I actually felt I wanted to cry it was horrible. I felt so stupid.

I spoke with the MD at the end of the day and spoke my concerns. She advised me to give it more time. On the way home I felt so stressed, and I have had more first days than most people my age. I spoke to a couple of friends who thought I should go with my gut instinct. I phoned the boss to tell her I didn't think I could do the role and no longer wanted to pursue it.

She was actually really understanding about it. I felt so guilty. This leaves me in jobless limbo again. She gave me some good advice and told me to give any life opportunity more time. I will try to.. next time I am gonna ask to spend a day at a job if I'm not sure about it and see what the role REALLY entails.

So today I was back to the drawing board writing letters and applications mindlessly. It's becoming a process I'm used to.

I took a chance and contacted the other offer I turned down. Surprisingly they said the role was still available and offered me a trial day. This has really lifted my spirits! I hope it goes well. I really don't like getting my hopes up now as I starting to get so depressed about my career . I'm just not one of those people who knows what they want to do. I wish I was one of those people I meet who seem to genuinely love their job.

I can't stop thinking about the hot Italian guy at the Salsa bar that night. He was so hot. I loved dancing with him. He didn't ask for my number though and I didn't ask either. Argh! Now I'll probably never see him again.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever find anyone meaningful again or if the rest of my life is gonna be a collection of drunken snogs, shags and crushes that never lead to anything.

They say never regret anything that made you smile. Although sometimes I find it hard not to.

I was with THE EX for 7 years, that's most of my adult life (i'm now 25). I still think about him. I think deep down I still love him, but I let him go because I felt I was always doing the chasing, always running for his attention, it was me who made the plans to go out, see each other. He didn't really seem to mind either way. I don't want someone so passive but he was the only guy who ever cared about me.

Everywhere I go I see happy couples. It makes me feel even worse. People keep saying I'm gorgeous, intelligent, whatever, why cant I find someone then? Guess I'm just going to have to concentrate on my career for now.

Well after the Christmas hols my job hunting was in full swing again as soon as January started. I have had great feedback and all my Christmas applications seemed to catch up with me at once.

I went to a 2nd interview for a job as a PR Assistant and they offered me the job. The only thing is it was for a charity and the salary was a lot lower than what I was looking for. The actual job was pretty much my perfect role, but I turned them down as I worried about future salary and did not feel that my heart was in their cause. I even called my career consultant and told him I had 2 offers and he thought I should pick the travel one as it is more down to earth, sounded like a lot of fun and would offer me the rewards I am looking for. I sound very capitalist but at the moment I guess I am quite money-motivated, less concerned about being ethical. Although I think working for the charity would have been a much more creative role.

About my 2nd job offer: I got a random call last Sunday from a travel company to come to an interview for a Marketing Assstant. I went along on Monday and whatever I did must've worked as they showed me around the office and introduced me to the team! It looked like a fun place to work but also hectic and disorganized. Hopefully I will be able to help them out. I thought initially to take the other job but I think I would miss out on too many perks if I didn't work here.

1) It's a luxury cruise line company which means I have the potential to travel
2) Friendly and international team.
3) Chance to learn all areas of marketing.
4) Chance to meet many interesting people from around the world.

It looked like they do a lot of data stuff and analysis which I am not too keen on as I am of a more creative background. I would like to improve my writing skills as I haven't really done any since my degree 2 years ago.

I am excited and nervous at the same time. I just hope it all goes well on Monday when I start. I have training and will probably spend most of the day sitting with people listening to them talk about their job. I always find this difficult as I think you never really know if you're absorbing this info until you have to actually do the job. I have been doing my research on travel marketing and I think it is a fun and exciting subject to work on. I hope now is the time I will get to use all my influences from quirky brands like lastminute.com. I love their campaigns, they are fun and visually appealing. The company I am going to work for has less humour in their brochures, as they are trying to promote Luxury branding.

I noticed that the information in their Brochures was quite confusing (or is this all travel brochures??) and the copy was wishy washy at most. I am not sure the UK audience would respond to this style. I was thinking of going on a travel writing course as I would like to learn more about how to do it!

Feel quite nervous about doing graphic design again to work on their brochures. I haven't worked on anything visual for a few months. Let's hope I still have some skills haha.

1. Eat healthy and exercise at least 3 times a week. Vary it up between dancing, cardio and toning. Pilates and Yoga etc.

2. Find a job. Interesting one preferred although times are hard and any job sounds better than nothing at the moment.

3. Do more dancing. Realised how happy it makes me to go out dancing and I thought why not take it up as a fun way to get in shape and learn some new moves Look into belly dancing, pole dancing, salsa and streetdance. Courses look expensive though might need a job first lol.

4. SAVE MONEY. Save where applicable ie. cut right down on my designer coffee shop and cake habit. Sugar is to be avoided! Remember the goal is to save up and move out.

4 Have fun. Life is short - after a long term relationship I feel like I am just starting to discover myself and enjoy the single life. More flirting, hot guys and hot sex please ha ha

So its back to business as usual for everyone going back to work. And back to jobhunting for me.

Today was a promising day, a few call backs and had a call from someone at Huntress agency who got me a Marcomms interview TOMORROW. It seems like an interesting job I hope I get one soon.

The parentals are never happy with me as usual - especially dad. I dont give a shit, today I realise they just disapprove of everything me and my sister do. I think my sister having fell pregnant (it happens duh) made them even more psychotic. The sooner I stop seeking their approval the sooner I'll be happy. I think throughout my whole life they've insulted me all the way and it only drives me to say fuck you I am gonna show you.

Not much else I can do except try to block them out and just plough away with the applications..

I have had a healthy day today woke up and did Oz Style Aerobics video lol it is quite good. Ate healthy food all day so I feel good already.

Yesterday - 1st Jan was fun. Went out to dinner for Christy's birthday it was a good laugh. Thai food is really nice I never realised!

New Years - boring new years eve. Am I the only one who wasnt at a wild party. Well I ended up taggin along with sis and her mate to a bar called Karma in Essex. It was ok so much eye candy, pwoooarrr.

God I'm gonna need a boyfriend soon its killing me. So frustrated. I think having sexy chats online can't help he he.

I thought about emailing M to say hapy new year but I thought I would try to save my dignity as he is probably snuggling up to his new girlfriend as I type. Cow.

Why is it always the ones you want that don't want you? And the ones you are not keen on seem to be crazy about you. !

Well despite all my probs I feel I have started te year with a positive outlook, a resolution to have as much fun as possible and try to gain many new experiences. More in other post...