OK. So I started the Marketing Assistant job yesterday. It was a complete disaster. I felt so confused from 9am till 5.30 pm. I feel like they misled me about the role. When I got there I discovered it was all about pricing, data analysis and confirming the correct prices.

I really hate working with numbers. My background is Graphic Design so in general I have found that creatives and maths DO NOT mix. Like oil and water. I never really met an arty person who enjoyed working with numbers.

By the end of the day I actually felt I wanted to cry it was horrible. I felt so stupid.

I spoke with the MD at the end of the day and spoke my concerns. She advised me to give it more time. On the way home I felt so stressed, and I have had more first days than most people my age. I spoke to a couple of friends who thought I should go with my gut instinct. I phoned the boss to tell her I didn't think I could do the role and no longer wanted to pursue it.

She was actually really understanding about it. I felt so guilty. This leaves me in jobless limbo again. She gave me some good advice and told me to give any life opportunity more time. I will try to.. next time I am gonna ask to spend a day at a job if I'm not sure about it and see what the role REALLY entails.

So today I was back to the drawing board writing letters and applications mindlessly. It's becoming a process I'm used to.

I took a chance and contacted the other offer I turned down. Surprisingly they said the role was still available and offered me a trial day. This has really lifted my spirits! I hope it goes well. I really don't like getting my hopes up now as I starting to get so depressed about my career . I'm just not one of those people who knows what they want to do. I wish I was one of those people I meet who seem to genuinely love their job.