I'm trying to stay positive but I am really very depressed. I wake with a sinking feeling in my chest and it stays there all day, I can't snap out of it. I went dancing and went to the gym and I cant even get a buzz from that anymore. I seem to live in my thoughts and just find it hard to be practical and just enjoy the moment. I am always worrying.
I have a lot to worry about because I don't have a steady job. I also have no idea where my career is going. I look for the same jobs that I have experience in, but I'm drifting from temp role to temp role because a) thats all i can get at the moment and b) I don't know what else to do.
I hate the corporate world. I would rather be doing something dance-related or to do with fashion, beauty or health. I've applied to do some part time massage work - Indian Head Massage. It would be a relief to do something completely different to be honest.
I'm doing crappy telesales to get by, after this week which was week 1 I only made 1 and a half leads, you are meant to do 90 calls per shift. That's fucking ridiculous. The others in the team don't seem to mind it though.
I feel that after a year and a half I am still not completely over my ex. We were together for 7 years and it was the only serious relationship I've had. At the time I broke up with him we had been going through more and more problems, so that eventually I had had enough. Since him I have just had a series of meaningless flings, trying so hard to get out there, meet people and just have fun. I've been able to be self-indulgent since then and focus on me. Even when you have all your time to do that it still doesn't work out all the time. I do miss him. But we are not even on speaking terms. He doesn't want to hear from me ever again. I hope I didn't fuck up my only chance of a real love.
You know all around me my friends are getting married, having babies etc. Settling down (we're in our mid-20s). I am living in a completely different world - the single life. It's so lonely sometimes.
I'm in love with my dance teacher. He's gorgeous. We've seen each other a few times out of class but I try not to chase him because I heard he is a player. It is becoming really depressing seeing him in class with all the other sexy girls pining after him. He's hot and he knows it. The girls flock to him. I never knew I was a jealous type until him. I might have to stop coming to his class soon. He has been being a bit mean to me in class lately. It really hurts. I feel like a little girl. I don't know why I can't find happiness. 
I am lost.
